Christianity and the "Others."

Anyone who knows me knows that my life hasn't taken the path of the "normal" Baptist girl. Now that I'm in my thirties, I am finally comfortable enough in my own skin to own my thoughts and opinions and not allow someone to make me feel insecure or outcast because of them. I'm actually quite comfortable being an "other." Let me explain.

Firstly, I am not bashing my upbringing or those who still hold ultra conservative beliefs. So please, do not misunderstand. I am grateful for *most* of the experiences I had with the church as a child. I received Christ as my personal Savior at a young age and I am forever thankful for the opportunity to have a relationship with God personally. Without that assurance and the confidence in Him - my life would have been tragic. I met some amazing people - some I've been fortunate enough to remain friends with until present day. Real friendships blossom when people are honest about themselves and their thoughts - not when someone censors themselves in order to be accepted by another. I'm thankful for those in my life with whom I can be 100% honest and still be accepted. This is where my problem with "The Church" comes in.

Being a pastor's child my entire life has placed me in a unique situation. As a pastor's child, you are under constant scrutiny. Under a microscope. Expected to be more than the other kids. Better behaved. Better dressed. Be able to quote more scripture. Be able to sing. Be at every function. Never have a bad day. And certainly never question anything the church tells you to be true. This included everything from the standards about the Gospel message (to which I still cling dearly) to ludicrous rules about clothing, music, hair length, "courting" versus "dating" and much more. It then moved on to opinions being preached as fact. Things such as God created the races to be separate. He even went so far as to give us our own special sections of the planet and never intended for anyone to migrate outside that specific zone. (Except the whites, of course. They were supposed to come run the Indians out and keep America all to themselves as God-fearing, bible thumping, fundamental "Christians.") Gays were going straight to hell. Divorce was unforgivable. And basically - if you didn't agree with the fundamentalist crowd (which is hard since there are so many varying opinions among them) then you were just wrong.

I noticed the shift in the focus of the church when I was a young teen. I can't begin to expound upon the number of times I was told flatly that I wasn't holy enough because my family didn't hold to certain "convictions." (Don't get me started on the usage of the word.) The females in my family weren't forced to wear skirts or "culottes" at all times. We had a TV. My brother and I were allowed to go to the movies and ride in cars with people of the opposite sex. Dear God. How could my parents possibly be so irresponsible? Didn't they know that God was just waiting in the wings to stomp us out like bugs for being so unholy? Apparently not - but it didn't take long for someone to tell them.

As I grew, I knew that I needed my faith to be personal. I needed to be able to separate the opinions from reality. I needed to be able to keep my focus on God and not the faults of myself and those in the church. I realize that there are so many honestly good, kindhearted, gentle people who are very conservative and very active in churches all across the country. I remind myself of it daily when my heart breaks for what Christianity as a whole has become. I'm saddened by the hatred I see being poured out by "God's people" on all manner of humankind. Racism and bigotry and even pastors encouraging child abuse in the name of God hurts me to my very soul. I simply cannot understand how anyone who has experienced the love of God can preach such a putrid message that flies in the face of everything that the Gospel message teaches. God is LOVE. Jesus died for the sins of the WHOLE WORLD. How have we perverted that message so?

As I sit here writing this - I am more sure of my God than I've ever been. I've had time to reflect on what is truly important and why the "religious right" thinks so highly of themselves. I think I've finally arrived at a place where man's opinion of me matters little and God's opinion of me matters most. I don't care what version of the bible you read if you love people. I don't care if you're gay, straight, black, white, Asian, Hispanic or a mixture of all of the above. God loves you and Jesus died for you. And shame on Christians who have used the Bible to make you believe otherwise.